Filing for Separation

After my father left, my mom still thought he would come back. To be quite honest, I thought life was better and going to continue to get better. But then my father stopped supporting us. It is important to note that he was, and still is living at his mothers with no bills, debt, mortgage, or need to buy his own food. We were still paying his car insurance for crying out loud! My father had been gone for about 5 months, and my mom was unable to pay the bills. Our friends and family chipped in to help us and we will forever be grateful to them. But because he refused to support us mom was forced to file for separation. I could tell that she was slipping, and unlike my narcissistic father who can't take responsibility for his actions, I blame myself for everything; even if it's beyond my control.

The Second Time He Left

I'm really sorry I didn't keep up with posting. That last post was really difficult for me to write, and I guess I just got discouraged. I also know that this post is going to be a struggle as well, so bear with me. The second time my father left I was home alone with my father. I was working on homework when I noticed him take two garbage bags outside. Now what you have to understand is, my father never did anything around the house at all. It turns out that the garbage bags were full of his clothes, and he had planned on going to work the next morning and never coming back. Basically after mom got home it all went down the same way that it does every time dad threatened to leave, which was way more than just the two times he left might I add. So you know, mom cried, dad yelled and told her that he was leaving because she was a horrible wife, yada, yada, yada. You get the point. He left again.

Three Months of Hell

Those three months after he came back where probably the worst in my life. They were also a big factor in my development of depression. Every day we would wake up and have to pretend we were a perfect family. When dad went to work, ( and we knew he was still seeing the lady) mom would yell and scream about the house work and that everything had to be completely clean before dad got home. And when dad did get home we would sit down for a family meal in silence. Because no one outside the family knew that dad had left in the first place, mom made a point to go on family outings with her friends and their families where we would pretend to be the perfect family. Eventually my depression got worse, and I stopped eating. My mom still forced me to eat dinner with them so I didn't stop eating completely. I felt like that horrible life was going to continue forever. The funny thing is, my mom didn't even know I had depression. She blames it on teen girl hormones.  Suicidal thoughts aren't usually a hormone thing. That sentence is one  have never admitted before today. I know I have a problem and I'm trying to get better. Yes I still have days that I just want to end it all, but the truth is life has been getting beter for me. And things will get better for you too. I know you've prbably heard that a hundred times but it is true. Just keep saying to yourself one more day, just hold on for one more day.

The First Time He Left

The first time my father left us was two months after we found out about the affair. A lot happened between that time. My mother gave birth to number six, but she was really stressed. Not just because of my father, but because she had to have a C-section for the first time, and the baby wouldn't nurse. Exactly two weeks after the baby was born, my mom found a cellphone that my father was using to contact his girlfriend. I was not home at the time but two of my little brothers were. My mom confronted my father about the phone, and I don't know all the details, but I do know that my father tried to strangle my mom to get the phone back. I also learned that it was not the first time that my father had attacked my mom. But even though my father attacked her my mom still begged him to stay and he didn't leave for another month. I don't really remember how he left I just know he did. I was really stressed and don't remember much from that year. Two monthes after he left he called my mom asking to come back, and my mom agread. After that I lived through three monthes of hell.

The Affair

A little over a year ago my family left church early because my mom, who was pregnant at the time, wasn't feeling well. When we got home my mom went to her bedroom, and the next thing I knew she told all of us kids to go out side. She was really upset so we listened, but we heard lots of yelling coming from inside the house, and eventually a lady I didn't know came out of the house. We found out that my father had been seeing this lady for roughly a year. After learning about this, lots of things in my life started to make sense. Lots of times when I was little I can recall my parents fighting. I remember my dad sleeping on the couch I can even remember times when I was eight that they went to counseling. It turns out that my father had cheated on my mom for almost their entire marriage. But not only was my father unfaithful but I also learned something about him and my moms relationship. I learned that he was physically abusive.


I will probably post again tomorrow. please feel free to leave a comment. If you have gone through similar experiences as I have please leave a comment. Post tomorrow!

Kara Wilder

A Bit About Me

Well, I guess to be able to relate to you I have to tell you a bit about my-self. For starters I'm the second eldest of seven kids; the youngest is 6 months old. Because of the age gap, the fact that I'm home schooled, and a few other factors you will soon learn about, I spend most of my time with no privacy and taking care of the babes, and my other siblings. My mom likes to think she dose everything for us but in reality, I cook, clean, do laundry, and everything else that gets done around the house. It's not that she dosn't do anything, and i don't mind helping out around the house, its just I feel like no one appreciates what I do around the house and it frustrates me. My family also is great at pretending everything is fine. After my dad left for another woman about a year ago, it took people outside the family 6 months before they knew what was going on and they only found out because mom told them. I feel like my family is fake. When ever we get together we pretend everything is fine and that our lives are perfect. I don't know about them but I feel like I'm dieing inside. Well that's enough about me for now I'll probably post more tomorrow. Please leave a comment with any questions or if you can relate to this. I hope to get to know you all more. (:

My First Post!

Hi guys! I'm Kara Wilder, well...not really it is a pseudonym. I like to think of my life as a story, full of plot twisters of course! This blog is going to be about my life and life experiences. Of course being a home schooled teen i obviously don't have many experiences to share with you, but that's why I love the idea of this blog, so I can share my experience, and thoughts with you. I think teens sharing their thoughts is a great thing because it helps other teens to know their not alone, and others are going through the same things you are. My hope for this blog is to let others going through similar experiences as i am to know their not alone.